Why am i addicted and often try to get back to that depression feeling?

i would risk my future, not study some papers and pretend i would start studying soon, but finally its too late, and then i will start getting the depression feeling which i feel is very much like me. i feel i have more feelings at this state, etc. does this mean i am having an attitude/character problem? why do i do this although i know i would have to suffer the consequences and that it can be torturable as my parents have high hopes on me thanks.

You may do this because it might be too scary to even try to succeed. You may be afraid of failing so much that you don’t even want to take a chance trying. The depression is familiar to you and at least you know what to expect. Best Wishes to you.